Fug or Fab: Katie Cassidy

So, somehow I’ve kind of missed everything Katie Cassidy has ever done:

I didn’t see her arc on Supernatural, and I only vaguely watched Harper’s Island. So when I managed to
get my hands on a screener of the new Melrose Place pilot, I was very surprised indeed to see that she’s kind of a scream in it (that’s a compliment). The whole enterprise, in fact, is pretty entertaining — although I suspect I am preaching to choir as far as any Melrose iterations go. That being said: girlfriend, I actually like your dress, but you’re made up like an overly zealous Benefit counter girl decided to use you as practice for her cosmetology exam and, I hate to break it to you, she is totally going to fail that thing. This much dress plus that much face is just too much.

Melfug Place

ASHLEE SIMPSON: SIGH.
KATIE CASSIDY: Right? Another day, another boring Melrose Place junket.
ASHLEE SIMPSON: I KNOW. But I’m glad to see you’re keeping things fun by making a joke out of it.
KATIE: Me? YOU are the one making a joke out of it.
ASHLEE: Uh-uh, babe. I’m not the one dressed as a gymnast at the Olympics closing ceremony dance.
KATIE: I’M not the one who looks like she murdered a
zebra. But hey, as long as you DIDN’T, then PETA won’t come after you
and everything will be fine.

ASHLEE: Oh, shut up. Admit it: I look kind of cute.
KATIE: Yeah, you do, actually. It’s true. And so do I.
ASHLEE. I wouldn’t go THAT far.
KATIE: Huh?
ASHLEE: You also kind of look like you’re auditioning to play Julianne Hough in some Disney Channel movie all about how she first learned the paso doble.
KATIE: That’s rich criticism coming from a girl who is vag-hugging everyone tonight.
ASHLEE: I don’t know what you mean.
KATIE: Don’t you? Well, allow me to illuminate.

KATIE: And these are only three examples! ALL NIGHT you’ve been running around rubbing your crotch up on people and trying to get your knee up in theirs. Who knew your joints were so horny?
ASHLEE: My manager told me it’s totally thigh-flattering to stand like that.
KATIE: Whatever helps you sleep at night. Tell me: It’s because you’re secretly lonely, isn’t it?
ASHLEE: You’re confusing me with my sister.
KATIE: SNAP. Score one for the bleeding zebra.

Melfug Fugce

Remember the first season of Melrose Place, when there was an entire story arc based on whether Billy would give up his independence and take over the family carpet store?

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Apparently they’re going down that avenue again, except this time, Katie Cassidy is going to run her own Mexican food franchise called Nacho Mama, where for an extra $5 you can eat your food out of her hat. And for an extra $20, you’ll get a bottle of Colt 45 in her shoes. That might seem expensive to most of us, but for foot fetishists it’s probably a real bargain.

Fug Girls: Katie Cassidy Inspires Envy at Jason Wu

Katie Cassidy and Diane Kruger at Jason Wu.Photo: Getty Images

Confession: We don't have any tattoos. But there are certain celebrities who nearly tempt us into thinking it's a good idea — kind of like how some haircuts seduce you, and you have to remind yourself that your hair and Emma Watson's hair are nothing alike — and Katie Cassidy is one such person. The CW starlet, once
of Melrose Place and now of Gossip Girl, is so pretty and chic that she makes you want to emulate her, from the perfect tan to the legs to the stars inked onto her feet. But our moms can rest easy: We are not succumbing to the lure of a tat we would likely later regret. Because one way in which we cannot emulate Katie Cassidy is having the pain tolerance for those needles. Just one more way being wimps serves us well.
Cassidy had the front row to herself for a while, looking great in a black skirt and sandy blouse. Elettra Wiedemann sat a few spots down, and a French model whose name no one knew — including her cameraman — was there as part of some reality show she is doing in her native land. She seemed to be having a ball posing for all the photographers and chatting up other attendees. It was endearing — like she was reveling in the moment the way anyone imagines they would if they were eleven feet tall and gorgeous.
But her moment in the sun stopped as soon as Diane Kruger took her seat next to Cassidy, prompting a rush of flashbulb explosions. Kruger's outfit was ... very Kruger. Seated, it looked like an elaborately beaded black top with peekaboo shoulders and a pretty, demure long skirt. But once she stood, the skirt revealed itself to be a tad more sheer — and tulle-based — than we'd realized. Oh, Diane. Always with the translucent curveball.
The two women chatted happily, then tugged at their hair as they took in the show — self-consciously, not vainly, also as we imagine we would do if we knew everyone was watching us. Thank God nobody is, so we can snack on our purse's carb stash in peace. Hey, maybe that's actually one way — indeed, the only way — that Katie Cassidy wishes she could emulate us. She's winning the game still, of course, but at least we might have a point on the board.

Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

I can’t remember if we’ve discussed this on GFY yet, or just on our Twitter, but the new Melrose Place is seriously pretty good, especially Katie Cassidy here:

In addition to looking very Amanda Woodward 2.0, she sort of acts like Amanda Woodward 2.0, although she hasn’t yet shamed anyone into alcoholism or suicide. I look forward to her interactions with Amanda Woodward: Original Flavor once Heather Locklear makes her sure-to-be-triumphant return to the building. Speaking of which, I was just thinking last night that Amanda Woodward is totally the Don Draper of the early ’90s. Think about it: extremely good at advertising; sleeps around (occasionally for work purposes but often just for fun); can not be bested by mealy-mouthed, bratty underlings (Allison/Pete) regardless of the effort put into said weaselly machinations; concealing a secret and unflattering past; dabbles in intermittent substance abuse; in an office full of people wearing suits, is easily the hottest; has noteworthy hair. If this pattern holds true, then I fear season four of Mad Men is going to involve Joan ripping off a wig and then blowing up Sterling Cooper, after Roger Sterling accidentally-on-purpose kidnaps Peggy and she sort of likes it. Just to forewarn you.

But Miss Cassidy here, while seriously pretty awesome on MP, needed a little styling help over the weekend, am I right? I actually don’t mind either halves of her look independently. It’s just that together they make a total Fashion Plates moment, making her look as though she’s had a terrible accident where the top half of her body has been mistakenly grafted onto someone else’s bottom half, which, as I understand it, happens all the time.
Now, if I were her stylist, I would have just given her…wait, this isn’t about me. What would YOU do? (Remember, please be nice and stay on topic.)

Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

At first, I thought this photo was going to be of Blake Lively. You can probably guess why:

Mountains of hair, low cut, lots of leg, and — which you’ll see after the jump — an open back:

Love the hair — it’s very Betty Draper Goes To Rome. But I hate those absurd shoes — they remind me of those dumb ones Marc Jacobs sent down the runway a year or so ago, where the heel stuck out from the ball of the foot — and the whole thing is a tad reminiscent of a strip-club waitress on the Starship Enterprise.
It’s just a lot: big sleeves + torso acreage + leathery v-neck detail + short skirt + open back + weird fastener thing that I see in this picture + “directional” shoes + spray tan that has rubbed off in her knee-pits + demi-beehive. I think subtracting a small handful of those elements would’ve made this less Hello Commander Riker, May I Bring You A Drink While You Make Eyes At Deanna Troi?  Secretly I’m intrigued by the sleeves. I just think they might ice this particular cake a little too heavily.
What do you think? Hash it out in the comments. Don’t stray off-topic, don’t abuse each other, don’t leave me this way, don’t you forget about me.

Fugrose Place

Katie Cassidy here plays the best of the characters on the surprisingly entertaining — soapy, slightly trashy, middlingly acted in all the right ways — new Melrose Place. No, she’s not the med student who has turned to prostitution to pay the bills (while also passing judgment on her new boyfriend for being an art thief). And she’s not the psycho. And she’s not the boring schoolteacher turnedzzzzzzzzz oh, sorry, I nodded off there. No, Katie plays a publicist with aspirations of becoming Amanda Woodward, and as such, she gets the most entertaining wardrobe. Some of it is crazy, some of it is gorgeous, some of it is gorgeously crazy, and then some of it… is this:

Poor Katie here seems to be suffering from Blake Lively Syndrome, a.k.a., Somebody On Staff Hates Me Today And May Also Have Spit In My Latte. Did Special Guest Star Amanda Woodward spike the wardrobe lady’s coffee with absinthe? How else to explain why Amanda herself got a really hot blue dress for this scene (which I neglected to photograph, because I am a jerk) and Katie — aka Amanda Jr. — got stuck in a top that needs to be at LEAST one size bigger and makes her boobs look dysfunctional? This woman is your sexpot, Melrose. She is saucy, she’s occasionally mean, she’s hungry for man OR woman meat, and she will cut a bitch. That’s a lot to have on one’s plate. She should NOT have to be all those things in a shirt this ugly, tucked into a skirt (or pants, or whatever it was) like she’s trapped in the 90s, whining impotently about her life while trying to figure out how long it will take her to negotiate her snap-crotch bodysuit when she has to go to the bathroom. That’s SUCH an Allison Parker thing to do, and Ella Simms is no Allison Parker. FIX IT.

People’s Choice Award Fug or Fab Carpet: Katie Cassidy

Okay, first and foremost, this is the part where I note that I LOVE Katie Cassidy on Melrose Place, and if that show gets canceled — which I hope it does not, because it’s actually kind of awesome — she better get another job, because she’s rad.

And this is the part where I note that I am already over the Long Extension-Filled Braid look — it’s so Chloe Sevigny on Big Love, and while the Sev is literally so freaking genius on that show that it has made me look at her wacktacular red carpet ensembles with a whole new fondness, dressing like her Big Love character is NOT A GOOD IDEA — and her dress looks like an anemic cocktail frock that got in a fight with a whole packet of those little sticky-tab-y things that lawyers and accountants stick on documents to note where you need to put your John Hancock — or your Jane Hancock, I guess. Don’t get me wrong: I LOVE office supplies. Sincerely. Buying new notebooks and pencils was always my favorite part of back-to-school shopping. (At least, it was after I started having to wear a uniform and there were no longer clothes to buy. Remind me to tell you guys, some time, the way I decided I was going to sue the school for infringing on our collective intellectual property rights by forcing us to wear uniforms, and how after about a week I decided that was idiotic because uniforms are both cute and deliciously easy. I then decided to sue the school for invasion of privacy when they instituted random locker checks, which I never got around to doing, but which I still feel was a stronger case. Yes, I was a handful. What the HELL was I even talking about?)
Oh, Katie. Right. Well, I was all set to put this to a vote, but I clearly talked myself into voting AGAINST, even if I do treasure her. Still, no reason for me to infringe on your right to your vote:

Fug or Fab: Katie Cassidy

I would love this, I think, if the slit weren’t QUITE as high. As it is, I fear that it’s a dress you can’t cross your legs in without flashing the rest of the world one of your butt cheeks. Although, in fairness, her butt cheeks are surely better than mine.

I really like Katie Cassidy:

I thought she was far and away the best thing about the Melrose Place reboot — with the exception of Michael Mancini, who is never not awesome — and I like her on Gossip Girl, even though they dragged out the mystery of why she was trying to ruin Serena’s life for about six weeks too long, to the point where I actually started wondering if I missed an episode that explained what her damage was. Also a problem with that plot: all the tertiary dudes on Gossip Girl are identical, like a pasty selection of  lesser Nate Archibalds, so every time she went to visit her brother in the slammer, I wondered if I was supposed to remember him or not.  Like, seriously, how I am supposed to tell these two apart?

THEY ARE BASICALLY THE SAME DUDE.
Anyway, to sum up: Katie Cassidy is good, and her dress looks very sexy, doesn’t it? Let’s see the rest of it:


Shocking from the side, but rather demure from the front, no? Well. Demure for something that has little patches over your nipples, anyway.